Let me back up a bit. My parents went with me to Creston on Thursday and Friday of last week. It's a long drive, so we didn't have lots of time to look at houses. In human terms, it really seemed impossible that I'd find a house in such a quick trip. But God does not have limits. We looked at a total of seven houses and the very last one was it. We almost didn't get to see it, but it was totally a God thing. It's in a great neighborhood and it's a really nice house. It needs some updates and a bit of work, but it's manageable.
Now, on with the story. My thoughts have been running along these lines for the last few days..."It would be so much easier to do this if I had a husband." I know that all of you married people out there are thinking it's just as scary when your married. Today in my devotions it hit me that what I was actually doing was wishing there was a living, breathing person in the flesh that I could trust in and rely on. Whoa! Isn't God so much better than that? And I'd rather trust a sinful man than trust an amazing God? See...that's just plain silly!
So I had some confessing and committing to do. And then the mail came. I got a letter that stated my medical insurance was going to be over $200 more a month than I had expected. Seriously....it was only like five minutes after my prayer. What did I do? I'd love to tell you that I had great faith and knew it was simply another twist in the road. Nope...I freaked out! Lots of tears and growing fears.
When will I learn that God will only allow what is best for me in my life? When will I learn that perfect love casts out fear? When will I learn that I should only fully trust in Him and in nothing else?
As you can see, I have a lot to learn. This process of moving to Creston has been amazing! I have no doubt that this is direction God has laid out for me. I have no doubt He wanted me to see this house. So why all the fears? I guess I'm still a sinner saved by grace that needs to refocus my attention on Him.
I'd appreciate your prayers throughout this process. We are still in the "counter-offer" stage on the house. I'll post and let you know as soon as it goes through.
3 comments:
Love this, Erin! Praying for you!!!
Erin, I completely understand- I do this kind of thing ALL the time. Also, I think you are a very strong woman to do all you do without a husband - I would never think it would be just as scary to go through something when you're married!
You know what I see when I read your post, Erin? A very wise woman who knows her God & knows herself. We are all fallen creatures; the doubts never just magically go away (with the provision of a husband or the provision of easy circumstances). You have the truth you need & you have the desire to do right. I am so excited about how you are learning & growing. The Lord will keep on leading & providing!
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